Teach Me
by LadyxMadonna
Summary: A series of chapters exploring firsts and learning experiences in the relationship of Will and Emma. ANGST  with possible triggers  - A little out of canon for Glee but they could use some depth. A fourth and fifth chapter, since you all asked so nicely.
1. Kiss Me

**Disclaimer: ** The characters in the following story are property of their respective creators and are being used without permission. No profit is being made from the use of these characters.

**A/N: **So I haven't written anything in ages but for some reason over the last few days, I've had the strongest urge to write these "firsts" one shots (I have three in mind at the moment). So I hope you enjoy them! If you have any prompts that you'd like to see included, send me an email/PM or leave your request in a review! This is rated M for a reason, and that reason will become apparent in the next chapter!

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><p>Emma sat at her desk, twirling and un-twirling a strand of hair around her index finger as she clicked through files on her computer, organizing them for the third time today. Tomorrow was the first day of summer vacation which meant that her files could be stored neatly (and alphabetically) away for a few months. She was daydreaming really, her files were in perfect order, it was only a matter of transferring them to a disc; her thoughts were focused down the hall where Will was wrapping up his last meeting with the glee club, trying to keep some fire beneath them after their dismal performance in New York.<p>

She watched as Finn and Rachel walked hand-in-hand down the hallway past her office, sparing her a quick wave as they headed out. If those two were out, it meant that the final glee meeting of the year was over and she could finally go talk to Will. Except, what was she going to say? Things had been awkward since she'd told him her marriage had been annulled and she just wanted to get back to the easy camaraderie that she and Will once shared.

Didn't she?

This was the question that had kept her in her seat well past the final bell and well past an appropriate time for her to head home. Home. To her empty apartment. By herself. The thought made her shudder and she sighed. Did she really just want to go back to being friends with Will? Or did she want to get back to the time when they'd been in a relationship (dysfunctional as it may have been)?

Could she forgive him April? Shelby? Holly? The list made something inside her twist with jealousy and envy. He told her he hadn't slept with April or Shelby but she hadn't had the heart to ask about Holly. Their relationship had been so fractured then, it hadn't seemed her place to ask but God had she wanted to know. Deep down, she knew the truth. He'd slept with Holly, the confident, sexy blonde bombshell. How could he not? It's not like she had been available, after all, she was the one who had run off to Vegas and married her freaking dentist. Regret welled inside her, competing with that green-eyed monster, jealousy, for space.

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><p>Will watched her. She was so cute when she was concentrating and Will could tell something serious was on her mind. A strand of hair was wound so tightly around her finger, her fingertip was blanched and she was chewing her bottom lip with a force so strong Will was surprised she hadn't drawn blood.<p>

"Hey Em, something on your mind?" He smiled as she startled, clearly having had no idea he was there, leaning against her office doorframe.

"Oh it's nothing, just finishing up for the year," Emma smiled, shut down her computer and sanitized her hands.

"What are you still doing here? You could have been gone ages ago!" Will secretly hoped she had been waiting for him, not that he'd ever tell her that. He wasn't sure she was ready to embark on another relationship, it hadn't been very long since her annulment had been finalized and the raw pain in her eyes when she'd seen him with Holly made him wonder if she could forgive him for attempting to move on when he thought he'd lost her forever.

"Oh. Um. Well…I just…" Will chuckled to himself, loving the crimson blush that quickly stained her cheeks.

"Emma would you like to get some dinner?" Will asked before he could stop himself. Emma's eyes widened in that puppy-dog way that she had and she nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. Emma picked up her purse and brushed past Will who remained standing in her doorway, a little surprised and a lot grateful that she had agreed to share a meal with him. Will extinguished the light in her office and pulled the door shut behind him before turning to face Emma. He could see a thousand questions swirling in her eyes but she seemed to have been struck dumb and just silently turned to head out into the quickly cooling evening air.

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><p>Dinner had been nice. Less awkward than either had anticipated, probably due to the fact that their conversation had stayed maddeningly superficial the whole evening. Emma surprised herself by asking Will up for coffee when they got back to her place.<p>

Emma perched awkwardly on the edge of a chair in her living room, staring at Will who was seemingly at home on her couch, sipping a mug of coffee.

"Did you sleep with Holly?" The words are out of her mouth before she can rethink them and she clapped a hand across her lips as soon as she realized what she'd asked. Will choked on the mouthful of coffee he'd been trying to swallow, stunned that Emma, shy, quiet, introverted Emma, was asking him such an intimate question.

"I – do you really want me to answer that?" Will had always thought she'd known, they had been moving on, both of them.

"No." Emma said in a small voice, "I guess not."

"Emma…you were married. Carl was helping you get better. I thought you were gone. That I'd ruined my chance with you." Emma shrugged, regretting that she'd started this conversation. "I'm sorry Emma, I never wanted to hurt you."

Emma studied a loose thread in the carpet at her feet, jealousy and pain choking off her words and bringing stinging tears to her eyes.

"I'm sorry Will, this isn't fair. You're right. I was the one that sent the message that it was over. I was the one that went to get married in Vegas." She jumped when she felt Will's hand under her chin, lifting her eyes to him. She hadn't even heard him get off the couch and now here he was pulling her to her feet.

"What do you say we start over?" he whispered. Emma's eyes widened and she nodded slightly, her entire being focused on how close Will's lips were to hers. She had started this and she wasn't about to stop now so she leaned in and closed the gap between them. Will's hand left her chin and tangled through her hair, something he had been aching to do for months. Emma parted her lips when she felt Will's tongue seeking access. Her knees buckled and Will secured his free arm around her waist, pulling her against him. As they broke apart, Will kept her close, resting his forehead against hers.

"Goodnight Emma," he whispered, and, after pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, he was gone. Emma shut the door behind him and leaned back against the wood, her head falling back with a bang.


	2. Touch Me

**Disclaimer: **Please see chapter 1.

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, Will and Emma's first kiss, part deux. In this chapter, I will earn my M rating as Emma explores her body for the first time (with everybody's favourite Glee coach guiding her along).

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><p>They had been dating (again) for a few weeks now, and Emma was surprised how easily they'd fallen into a routine together. It was Friday so they were lounging on the couch in her apartment, take-out containers strewn on the coffee table in front of them, a movie on the television.<p>

"You know, I'm really proud of you Em," Will said.

"You are?" Emma asked from her position curled on his chest. She tilted her head to look up at him, "Why?"

"The Emma I used to know never would have let Chinese food containers sit on her coffee table once she was finished eating. The old Emma would have thrown them out, taken out the garbage and sanitized the table," Emma smiled sheepishly up at Will,

"Well I guess I've been finding that things I used to find messy and horrible really aren't all that horrible." Will smiled back at her and they refocused on their movie. Emma had somehow talked Will into watching Reese Witherspoon's entire filmography and he was beginning to regret the decision. After _Walk the Line _he'd thought maybe he would enjoy some of her stuff but oh my God the chick flicks would never end. Now they were watching one even Emma had never seen, a corny black and white called _Pleasantville. _

While Emma was totally engrossed, Will was focused on the creamy expanse of skin he could see peeking out between the bottom of her sweater and the waist of her sexy hipster jeans. He loved the 'relaxed Emma' that he got when they stayed in, the tight jeans and sweaters he'd never have imagined her in based on the wardrobe he saw at school. Carefully, he slid his hand down her back and ran his fingers along the exposed skin, smiling as he felt her shiver. A conversation on screen caught his attention; Reese Witherspoon's character was attempting to explain sex, and then masturbation to her television mother. Will felt Emma stiffen, clearly uncomfortable with the scene and he grinned at the squeak she let escape when the character simulated masturbation on screen.

The movie went to commercial and Will couldn't help but ask, wanting to spread that blush that stained her cheeks, "So how do you like the movie so far?"

Will was rewarded with the scarlet blush spreading down her neck and disappearing into the neckline of her sweater. "Um. It's good…that last scene was a little…"

They had been dating for three weeks and Will hadn't dared go further than kisses with Emma. He'd risked allowing his hands to stray, cupping her ass or brushing her breast but her reactions were always so startled he immediately pulled back. It made him wonder,

"Emma, have you ever had an orgasm?" Emma sprang back from him violently, spluttering and stumbling over her words, her blush renewed with an intensity he'd never seen before. "Emma…Em, relax. Breathe, Emma. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that." The previously cute blush and flustered Emma was gone, replaced with a painfully shy, severely uncomfortable woman who couldn't even look him in the eye.

"I can't," her voice was so quiet, Will wasn't sure she'd even spoken.

"What do you mean, Emma?" Will approached her cautiously, taking her trembling hands in his.

"I- I've never…Touching myself just seems so…It's…" She couldn't explain it, how the thought of touching herself made her insides twist into a knot of shame and embarrassment. "God! There's something wrong with me. What kind of woman can't even…"

"Emma. Em, there is nothing wrong with you. It's okay. It's just one more thing we can explore together," Will reassured her, hastily adding, "Whenever you're ready."

The remainder of the movie was passed in silence, neither paying any heed to what was onscreen as they were both lost in their own private thoughts. Will could tell Emma was still uncomfortable because though she had lain back down on the couch with him, her body was tense and stiff. When Emma suggested they get ready for bed, Will was at a loss for what to say, how to reclaim that calm and relaxed atmosphere that had dissipated in a snap when he'd opened his big mouth. They had been sleeping together (in the literal and not figurative sense) for about a week now and after his faux pas earlier in the night, he hadn't been sure Emma would invite him into her bed again. But, as usual, Emma disappeared into the bathroom to prepare for bed, leaving Will to catch up on the scores from the evening's baseball games.

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><p>Will heard Emma's bed creak as she sank into the sheets and went to quickly prepare himself for bed, wanting another opportunity to talk to her before she fell asleep. When he left the bathroom however, he realized he was too late as Emma was curled on her side, seemingly dead to the world. Will crept quietly to the bed and slid in beside her, taking a moment to stroke her hair and plant a gentle kiss in her curls before returning to his own side of the bed. It took only a few moments of silence for Will to identify the sound he heard disturbing the quiet of Emma's bedroom – tears.<p>

"Em?" he whispered into the darkness, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want…I just wish…" Emma huffed in exasperation. "Why can't I just be normal?" she cried, more tears dampening the pillow. Will rolled onto his side and pulled her small form closer to him, spooning her into his chest,

"Normal is overrated," he told her and Emma rewarded him with a watery laugh. Suddenly, Will was struck by an absurd idea but before he could think better of it he asked, "Em, do you trust me?"

"Of course Will," she answered, already beginning to rebuild that perfect façade she tried so hard to hide behind.

"Enough to try something with me?" he clarified.

"I – I think so," Emma replied, wary of where this was leading.

"Tell me when to stop," he whispered, "Okay?" Emma could only manage a nod, already frightened of what he had planned. She felt Will's hand close over hers and she jumped when he flattened their intertwined palms against her own abdomen. "Just breathe Emma, and try to relax." Together, he skated their hands over her abdomen, bringing them up to brush the underside of her breasts before quickly retreating back to her belly to await her reaction.

Truthfully, it wasn't as scary as she had anticipated and, emboldened by her acquiescence, Will slipped their hands lower, pressing them flat between her legs. With this she whimpered and Will pulled back,

"Do you want to stop?" he whispered into her ear and, once again at a loss for words, Emma just shook her head, encouraging him on. Will took up her hand again and, pressing back with their palms, he pushed her hips forward with his own and Emma moaned. It was a sound Will knew didn't indicate fear, trepidation or pain; it was one that indicated lust as wholeheartedly as it could. Will continued to guide her fingers, pushing her closer to orgasm than she'd ever been.

"Oh Will," she breathed, her hips moving of their own accord now, thrusting into their joined hands. Will could see the concentration knit into her brow and he moved his lips to her ear again,

"Stop trying so hard," he admonished lightly, "Just relax and let it happen. You'll never get there if you're thinking so much about it." Emma shut her eyes and leaned her head back into his shoulder, trying to focus on what she was feeling. "Let go for me Emma," Will whispered, sensing she was close and, with one last sweep of their linked hands, he felt her body stiffen and splinter into his arms.

When Emma regained the ability of coherent thought and independent movement, she rolled over to face Will, a small, sated smile playing on her lips. She flexed her fingers, tense from a new use and said, "That was…"

Will chuckled, "Yeah that about sums it up I'd say. As scary as you thought it'd be?" he asked.

"Not at all," Emma blushed. Having been fully clothed for the experience had helped, letting her take baby steps into the adult world of carnal pleasures.

"Good," Will kissed her softly on the lips, "I can't wait to experience more new things with you."


	3. Love Me

**Disclaimer/Warning: **See chapter 1 for disclaimer. This chapter contains non-graphic minor-on-minor sexual assault and non-graphic adult-on-adult sexual assault – consider yourself fairly warned.

**A/N: ** So I am finally getting around to this third chapter. I've been irritated with the fact that Glee is doing the whole, one week on, one week off kind of showing, drives me crazy, so haven't had any inspiration to write. And the episodes that have been on have had so little Wemma, there isn't much for me to work with! Anyways, here is the final chapter. It is a lot more angsty than I anticipated so if you're looking for a light-and-fun-Will-and-Emma's- first-time kind of fic, you'll probably want to be exiting right about now.

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><p>School was back in session and both Will and Emma were so busy through the day that they rarely saw each other for more than a few minutes at lunch. Emma was putting in long hours with the already nervous and stressed seniors looking towards graduation and Will was working hard to engage his glee kids, to keep more of them from defecting to Shelby's Trouble Tones.<p>

It had been a little awkward for Will and Emma both when Shelby had returned to Lima, and even more uncomfortable when she'd been hired on as a rival glee coach right within the walls of McKinley but, after much circling and territory marking, things had settled into a sort of uneasy truce. Will and Shelby were forced to work together to keep the rival groups from killing each other and McKinley was a small school, it wasn't like they could all avoid each other.

Somehow this Friday night in November, Will had beaten Emma home to his- well now their- apartment and he decided to make a romantic dinner for the two of them so that they could finally spend some quality time together. Emma's moving into his apartment had become official in mid-August but at that point it was simply a technicality – almost all of her clothes had been in his closet since July and she had only rarely stopped by her old apartment.

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><p>When Emma finally made it home at quarter after seven, she was exhausted, frustrated and drained. She was looking forward to spending time with Will and just being able to relax. She and Will had been exploring different, more physical, aspects of their relationship and she was slowly growing more comfortable with Will's touches and caresses but she was still working up the courage to take the last step.<p>

Emma unlocked the door and toed off her heels, placing them neatly in their assigned spot in the closet by the door. She inhaled deeply and smiled, Will had made her dinner.

"Will?" she called out as she padded softly towards the kitchen in her stockings.

"In here," Emma heard his reply and diverted to the dining room, stopping in the doorway to take in the sight before her. The whole room shimmered with candlelight, from at least a hundred candles scattered across the table and on other surfaces around the room. Will was standing at the head of the table with a small smile on his face, watching her absorb the room. "Have a seat Em, I'll bring the food in." Will disappeared into the kitchen before she could say anything so Emma took her usual seat at the table.

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><p>"Dinner was amazing Will, thank you," they had moved from the dining room to the living room and were watching a movie on tv.<p>

"Well we haven't had a lot of time together lately and we've both been working so hard. I thought it might be nice." Emma rolled her shoulders and tried to release some of the tension that had built up over the course of the day, Will noticed and rubbed his hands down her arms, "Why don't I draw you a bath Emma? You look like you could use a little relaxation."

Emma nodded but leaned into him as his hands worked on the knots in her neck and shoulders, keeping him from getting up. Will chuckled, "Okay, how about a massage instead?"

"Mmm," Emma shut her eyes and tilted her head forward to give him access to her neck. After several minutes Will nudged Emma away and stood up, holding a hand out to her. She took it and let Will pull her down the hallway towards the bedroom. Emma let go of Will's hand as they entered the room and disappeared into the bathroom to change into her pyjamas.

Emma fingered one of Will's t-shirts that was sitting folded on the counter and pulled it on so she was wearing nothing but the shirt and a pair of underwear. The t-shirt skimmed the top of her thighs, barely covering the emerald green underwear she wore underneath it. When she exited the bathroom, she had to smile at the expression that crossed Will's face, it looked to her that he found this simple t-shirt, his t-shirt, the sexiest thing she'd ever worn.

Will beckoned her over to the bed where he was already seated, stripped down to boxers and Emma crossed the room to slide onto her side of the bed. She laid back and felt Will shift closer to her and she started to tremble. Will sighed, this was a common occurrence, every time he moved close she would tense up.

"Relax, Emma. We won't do anything you don't want to do," his standard line. Emma took a deep, cleansing breath and Will watched her visibly relax. She was getting better, letting him get closer, letting him touch her, but she still needed the reassurance that she was in control of the situation. Will lowered his mouth to hers slowly, letting her adjust, his hands safely on her shoulders.

When they broke apart, Emma looked up at Will, chewing on her bottom lip. "I want..." she started, but was unsure how to voice what she was feeling. Will trailed a hand up and down her arm, sending thrills up her spine and leaving goose bumps in his wake.

"What do you want, Emma?" Will whispered.

"I want to try." Will pulled back, sitting up and pulling her with him.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Will asked, wanting to clarify before things got out of hand. Emma nodded, still chewing on her bottom lip. Will gently pushed Emma back down, swallowing hard. He was surprised at how nervous he was at the prospect of making love to Emma. Their journey had been so long, so difficult, he was almost sure they'd never make it to this point in their relationship. He had been enjoying the over-the-clothes action she had grown comfortable with after their first foray a few months ago and he was really beginning to feel like a virgin again himself. He hadn't taken pleasure from simple touches, kisses and caresses in a long time, since before he and Terri had gotten married and now here he was, starting a sexual relationship at the very bottom level.

Gently, Will began to rain kisses over Emma's face and his hands stayed safely above her waist and over the shirt. Emma tangled her hands into Will's curls and pulled his mouth to hers, hoping he wouldn't feel how hard her heart was pounding. Carefully, Will's hand slipped lower, stroking her thigh, feeling the muscles quiver under his fingertips. He inched his hand up her thigh to her hip and fingered the waistband of her underwear, pulling out of the kiss he asked, "Can I take these off?"

Emma's breath hitched, speeding up, but she nodded, eyes wide. Will leaned back in for another kiss as he worked his fingers into her panties and started to slide them down her legs. Their recent explorations of Emma's body had made Will an expert in reading her body language - the fast breathing meant that, while nervous, she was still enjoying herself. It was when she held her breath that he knew things had gone too far, too fast.

It had happened only once before, him driving her to the point where terror took over. They had been making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers and he had slid his hand up under her pyjamas to her breast and things had come to a screeching halt.

The underwear made it to her knees before she stopped breathing and immediately Will stopped, moving up the bed to cup her face in his hands and try to coax her back to him.

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><p>Emma fought the images as they tried to force their way through to her consciousness but it was, as always, futile.<p>

_She was twelve and her brother's fifteen year old friend Jeremy had her cornered in her bedroom, his pants undone as he tried to force her to touch him. He was tugging on her jeans, trying to force them down when her dad had walked into the bedroom, a look of disgust directed at her. _

She flashed forwards to her wedding night in Vegas with Carl, skipping some of the more painful memories in between. _She could smell the champagne on his breath, taste it on his tongue as he kissed her roughly. His hands were almost violent as he forced her dress up, his fingers pushing their way inside her underwear. She bit his lip and when he pulled back she pushed him away, eyes welling with tears as she saw the bitter disappointment and anger etched on his face before he stormed from the room._

With a shuddering breath, she came back to the present. She could feel hands holding her face gently, she could smell Will so she knew it was him and she stopped struggling, tried to focus on his voice as he called her back.

"I'm okay. I'm okay," Emma took a few deep breaths, focusing on Will's face to keep her present and grounded as the memories faded into her subconscious again. Emma nearly stopped breathing again when Will reached for her underwear once more but he tugged them in the opposite direction she had expected, dragging them back up over her hips.

"We need to talk, Em, you need to tell me what's going on with you." Will pulled a blanket up from the bottom of the bed and laid it over Emma to give her a little more of a sense of modesty and comfort.

Emma opened her mouth to deny that anything was wrong but found both stories pouring out of her before she could stop them. The flashbacks had left her raw, wounded and she couldn't control the tears that slid unchecked down her cheeks as she explained how she had been scolded by her father for being a tease and a harlot when her brother's friend had assaulted her. Shame flared in her chest and a blush of embarrassment covered her cheeks. Will moved to gather her into her arms to comfort her but she stopped him with her palms flat on his chest, moving on to the wedding night with Carl. When Carl had returned to the hotel room hours later at four am, he had smelled of stale smoke, alcohol and perfume. Emma had refused to let him in the bed.

"Oh Emma," Will sighed, "I had no idea." It wasn't just the germs or the potential messiness of sex that frightened her, it was being called a slut at the age of twelve by her own father after being sexually assaulted; being blamed for causing the assault by being a "tease". It was that her husband, however temporary he may have been, had betrayed her trust as fully as possible. She was well and truly scarred.

"Of course not," Emma said with her eyes downcast, "How could you?" Emma took another deep breath, "Okay. I'm fine. I still want to do this." It surprised her, she had expected to feel vulnerable and scared when she told Will about the assaults but it somehow seemed to have made her bolder and braver than she'd ever felt.

Will spluttered, he couldn't believe that she wanted to keep going when she seemed so delicate, so fragile. "Em…I don't know if that's a great idea…"

"Oh…okay then," a curtain dropped across her eyes and the look she gave Will before she rolled over was icy. It hadn't crossed her mind that he might not want her after seeing her scars, the pain in her eyes as she reminisced. That hurt.

"Emma," Will tried, touching her shoulder, "Emma. It's not that I don't want to do this. Honestly I've never wanted anything more in my life but…" He tugged her onto her back so he could look into her cold, blank face again.

"Then prove it Will. Make this pain," Emma's voice cracked, "Make it go away Will. Make me whole again."

Hesitantly, Will leaned over Emma as she kicked the blanket down the bed. His hands explored her body as he kissed her but he stayed clear of her underwear. "Take them off Will," Emma whispered hoarsely, focusing on his face as he complied with her request. Will moved down her body, kissing the soft skin on the insides of her thighs, massaging her calves and pulling the underwear all the way down her legs.

Will moved back up her body, kissing her softly and then pulling back to watch her expression as he pushed the t-shirt slowly up her body. Emma felt the cool room air on her abdomen and knew that she was half exposed in front of Will but she couldn't make herself look down. It would be too real if she looked down. She shouldn't be doing this.

Emma lifted her arms over her head and allowed Will to tug the t-shirt off of her completely. At the same moment, they both broke eye contact and looked down. Will was mesmerized by the creamy expanse of skin laid out before him, freckles scattered here and there like cinnamon floating in milk. Emma was very still, unsure of how to proceed, waiting for Will to show her what to do next.

Will considered his options. He thought that undressing himself now might be too overwhelming for her so he decided to keep his boxers for the moment, until Emma was more comfortable being naked with him. So that left two viable options: he could continue to stare at her, memorize her body and not touch her, or he could begin his first real exploration of her body. He chose the latter.

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><p>Two orgasms later, Emma was looking up at Will through heavy-lidded, hazy eyes.<p>

"We can stop here, if you want," Will told her, giving her every opportunity to back out. Emma shook her head and watched as Will slid the boxers down his legs, removing the last barrier from between them. Emma's eyes flickered downwards for a fraction of a second but she quickly controlled herself and stared blankly at the ceiling. She should not be enjoying this. She'd gone from being a tease to acting like a slut, just like her father had said. A single tear escaped before she could blink it away and Will's heart sank when he saw the storm raging behind her eyes.

"Emma," he whispered, only inches from her ear, "Emma you don't need to feel guilty about this."

Emma forced a smile and made herself relax and, before she could change her mind, she closed a hand around the hardness pressed into her belly. Will hissed, and Emma smiled genuinely up at him.

"I want this Will. I'm ready," Emma felt as though she was in a fog, and nothing felt wholly real. It wasn't her watching, as Will rolled a condom into place. It wasn't her hips he slid a pillow beneath. It wasn't real when she felt him, poised and ready at her entrance, waiting for permission. It definitely wasn't her who nodded yes and encouraged him on.

The pain was brief, biting and brought reality crashing back around her. Will was relying on her breathing to cue him to how she was feeling as his head was buried in the curls at the side of her neck. He didn't see the tears that came, swift and silent. He didn't have much in him, the last six months had been exquisitely tortuous foreplay and he was quickly spent. When he pulled back he saw the tears, and as he opened his mouth to comfort her and reached a hand up to stroke her hair, she slid out from beneath him and fled to the bathroom.

Sitting on the floor of the shower, scalding water pounding down around her, she didn't think he could hear her crying but the shower couldn't cover the piteous sobs. Will sat, leaning against the locked bathroom door and wondered if he'd broken her. Wondered if the damage to his little porcelain doll was as irreparable as it seemed, and he cried.

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><p><strong>AN2: **I told you it was angsty. I've always assumed Emma had some history of assault or abuse ever since the first season comment from Ken Tanaka about her crying for an hour when he accidentally brushed her breast with his elbow. That is not a reaction borne from OCD level mysophobia, that's something deeper. Reviews would be lovely, whether you liked it or hated it, constructive feedback is always welcome.


	4. Fix Me

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1.

**Warning: **There are more mentions of sexual assault (again minor-on-minor; new – female-on-female) so tread lightly if that might be triggering for you.

**A/N: **Since so many of you asked so nicely, I've decided to add a chapter or two more to this story. It will still be angsty and the ending will likely be bittersweet at best so consider yourselves forewarned.

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><p>Emma sat on the floor of the shower, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, head buried in her knees, and sobbed as the water burned its way down her back. She couldn't, or rather didn't want to, believe she had finally had sex, after thirty-two years of trying desperately to be the pristine little virgin. She felt bile rising up the back of her throat and scrambled out of the shower just in time to lose all of the dinner Will had made for her. Sitting on the tile was cold, sending wracking shivers through her body, so she crawled back into the shower, hissing as the blistering water hit her skin.<p>

She felt numb now, and that scared her. She tried to cry, tried to feel the revulsion again, hell she even tried to feel happiness, contentment but there was nothing. She could hear Will outside the bathroom door, but his words were unintelligible over the thundering water and she wanted to keep it that way. She wasn't ready to face him yet.

A mishmash of thoughts flitted through Emma's mind as she sat, tightly curled in on herself, not even noticing the scalding water any more. The time in high school after her junior prom when her boyfriend had tried to convince her to go to third base in the back of his dad's Ford Pinto. A little peach schnapps had gone a long way when she was sixteen and before she knew it, her underwear was off and his pants were unzipped. It was her ninth grade science teacher who had saved her, knocking on the window and bringing her back to her senses as he told them to move along. She had shut down after that slap of reality and turned so in on herself; people thought she was mentally unbalanced. She heard the murmurs in the lunchroom, the laughter, felt a visceral pang when she heard the word "tease" whispered at her back in the hall and she withdrew further.

No one had gotten that close to her again until her first year of college. Emma shut her eyes tight and let out a strangled cry as the memory hit her full force. She had been to three rush events for Sigma Theta Nu and was working her way through the pledging process. They promised no hazing, just good, old-fashioned fun, and Emma had decided that she needed to get out more; it had been years since she had let anyone get close to her. She had pulled away from her parents and brother as she had grown up through high school and she was beginning to feel lonely. It was the final night of the pledge week and up until now, Emma had felt totally comfortable with the other girls in the sorority; they had been nothing but kind and understanding when she backed out of an event or chose to sit on the sidelines. Now she was sitting, blindfolded and alone on a bed in a strange house with a twinge of fear beginning to burrow its way into her chest.

Her hands were, as yet, unbound so the fear hadn't really gotten a good hold of her yet. She heard the door click open and she tensed, head swivelling towards a doorway she could not see.

"Hey Emma," the voice came from behind her, which startled Emma; she had assumed she was alone. "Everything is almost over; you'll be my sister soon!" Emma struggled to match a face with the voice and her hands started to tremble ever so slightly in her lap. "Don't be scared Emma," the voice admonished, "No one is going to hurt you." It was Valerie, Emma realized, the chapter president. The hand that touched her shoulder sent a spike of fear up her spine regardless and Emma pulled away but not quickly enough and Valerie's hands were suddenly inside Emma's shirt. Another pair of unidentified hands grasped her thighs and pinned her to the bed as Emma fought to free herself.

"Stop! Please! I don't want to do this!"

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><p>Over the sound of the water Will heard her cries for mercy and, abandoning all pretence of waiting and being gentlemanly, he shoved his shoulder into the door until the lock cracked and the door swung inwards. Will could just see the outline of her body through the foggy glass of the shower door. She was hunched over, sitting on the floor with the water pouring down around her.<p>

"Emma?" Will was afraid to scare her. "Em, it's me – it's Will. I'm going to open the shower door, okay?" Emma didn't move, didn't so much as acknowledge his presence in the bathroom and that frightened him. Carefully, Will slid the door back and reached in to shut off the water, pulling back with a curse when the blazing hot water touched his skin. He managed to get the water off before he looked down at Emma, so small and broken, her skin an angry red from the hour she'd spent in the water. Will took a fluffy white towel from the rack behind him and slowly eased himself into the shower with her. Gently, he wrapped her in the towel and she looked up at him with cold, dead eyes as he lifted her into his arms.

Will stepped out of the shower and stood her up on the cold tile, using the towel to quickly dry her off as she stood, unmoving and zombie-like. On the surface, Will kept calm, speaking quietly to her and trying to be business-like as he towelled her body dry. Underneath it all, inside his head, he was screaming. The vacant look in her eyes as he slipped an old t-shirt of his over her head and helped her into a pair of flannel pyjama pants had him worried that she might have suffered some sort of psychotic break. Will led her back to the bed and laid her down; Emma moved robotically, doing exactly what Will asked of her and nothing more. Will pulled blankets up around her now shivering form and cupped her face in his hands,

"Please Emma. Say something, anything. Just talk to me," Will pleaded with her. Emma finally met his eyes and she poured more of her shattered soul into him, baring the rest of her scars for him to see. The tenor with which she recounted all of her past unwanted sexual experiences was mechanistic and unfeeling, Will could all but see the wall she had built to shelter herself from these memories. Tonight he had stormed that wall and now it was crumbling around the edges, pulling Emma down with it.

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><p>When Emma woke, Will was not in bed with her and, before the stab of sadness could get its claws into her, Emma pulled her walls a little tighter around herself. She was unsure of the time, she couldn't remember falling asleep, and only the raw pain deep inside her, marking her soul, let her know that last night was not a dream. She slid from the bed, and went in search of Will.<p>

She found him on the couch, lying on his back, staring unseeingly at the ceiling fan as it spun lazily above him.

"Hi," was all she could manage to say, but it was enough to startle Will back to reality and he sat up quickly, turning to face her. A quick glance at the window over his shoulder told Emma it was nearly dawn, the pure blackness lightened with just a hint of grey around the edges. She stood in the doorway of the living room, unsure what do say or do, scared of rejection.

"Hi," Will replied, and he was across the room in three steps, just shy of touching her, waiting for permission. Emma closed the gap between them, leaning into Will's chest, praying he wouldn't pull away. Immediately, Will closed his arms around her small body, stroking her back and placing feather-light kisses in her hair. "I…" Will started, leaning back so he could see Emma's face, "I called Dr. Shane," he said in a rush. A myriad of emotions played across Emma's face in the next moments - shock, anger, sadness and finally, resignation; Will had never seen her so conflicted. "I'm sorry Em. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't tell her anything. I just said there was kind of a crisis and you needed to see her today."

Emma nodded woodenly and felt the numbness that had frightened her last night creep back in; this time, she welcomed it.

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm a bit of a sadistic bitch today apparently…hope you enjoyed the next installment, I'll do my best to stop torturing Emma so much in the next chapter. I've never written angst before, but I think I kind of like it. Thank you to all of my reviewers, each and every one of you is sincerely appreciated.

As an aside, I'd like to mention that my portrayal of sorority life here is purely FICTIONAL. My apologies for perpetuating stereotypes of hazing and pledge mistreatment and as a former member of a sorority myself, I feel a little guilty about what I've done here but I can live with it because it's fiction.


	5. Complete Me

**Disclaimer: **see chapter 1

**A/N: **I have been in no mood to write lately. The storylines in the show have seemed forced, unimaginative and far-fetched and Will and Emma have shared precious little screen time together so I've been very uninspired. Here's hoping the new year will bring more realistic and interesting storylines and a lot more of everyone's favourite McKinley couple. Happy Holidays!

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><p>Emma smoothed her skirt over her knees for the sixth time since she'd sat down in the psychiatrist's office ten minutes prior. It was an unconscious habit, her neatening of everything and pressing out the wrinkles, and the doctor took note of the regression. Emma was smiling, hiding behind her mask of perfection but the smile stopped short of her eyes. In her eyes, the doctor could read very little, Emma was trying very hard to hide behind that insincere smile.<p>

"So last night…" Dr. Shane prompted. Emma had begun the story twice already but she was having trouble carrying the tale through. She had shared her past sexual experiences with the doctor as part of her therapy when they had begun to work on Emma's fear of intimacy but Emma was having difficulty sharing her most recent escapade. The numbness that had settled in around dawn had fled from Emma's body the moment she entered Dr. Shane's office. Being here, knowing she was going to have to talk about it, to admit out loud that she was no longer a virgin, made things far too real. Emma felt her control slipping away again, the carefully constructed walls crumbling beneath her fingers and she hardly noticed when the tears started anew.

"Ask Will," was all she could manage, head down and tears falling unchecked down her cheeks as she clutched her abdomen so tightly it seemed as though she were afraid she'd go to pieces if she let go of herself. Emma heard the doctor push back from her desk and go to the outer door to summon Will but she didn't look up, instead wrapping her arms a little tighter around her waist.

Quietly, Will took the chair next to her and Emma could feel the weight of his gaze on the top of her head but she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. Emma squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the conversation as the doctor began to direct her questions to Will. She caught bits and pieces, words here and there that felt like knives to her core, designed to break her further apart.

"Emma?" the doctor asked and Emma forced herself to look up, to rejoin the present. Emma was unsure how long Will and Dr. Shane had talked but from the looks on both of their faces, it was clear that all of the truth had come out and she dropped her gaze back to her lap. "If you could just have a seat in the waiting room again Mr. Shuester," the doctor dismissed Will. Emma didn't look up again until she heard the door click shut quietly behind Will.

"I think you need to say it out loud Emma," Dr. Shane told her.

"Say what?" Emma asked, reaching for the numbness she felt on the periphery once more, wanting nothing more than to be anesthetized to the pain again. The doctor sighed, Emma hadn't been this difficult since their first session together.

"You know what you need to talk about Emma. Not saying it doesn't make it not real. Hiding from what you're thinking and feeling is not healthy. You know this. You have worked so hard Emma, and you have come so far, don't let it all go now."

"I…" Emma tried to find the words, it was such a simple thing to say but so damn hard at the same time. Simple truths, that was where she needed to start. It was a practice from early on in her therapy when they had been seeking to control her OCD, begin with the basics of what you knew was true. She couldn't follow her truths with 'I need to scrub my bathroom with a toothbrush' or 'I need to wash my hands every time I touch anything' and believe them to be true because they weren't. Emma took a breath and said, "I am Emma Pillsbury, I am thirty-two years old, I am a guidance counsellor at William McKinley High, I am in love with Will Shuester and I had sex for the first time last night." Emma closed her eyes and waited for the panic, the terror, the anxiety to settle in but to her surprise, she felt fine. Better than fine, she felt content.

Dr. Shane smiled, "Very good Emma. How does that last truth make you feel right now?"

"Right now? Not so bad. Last night I was so upset, I made myself sick. I think Will thought I'd had a nervous breakdown. I think _I _thought I'd had a nervous breakdown. At a couple points I just felt numb, which was scary at first but then I sort of liked it. If I was numb, I didn't have to feel. I have worked so hard to be perfect, to not disappoint my father but I love Will so much, I don't want to deny him this." Emma surprised herself with her little speech. Sometimes when she sat in the leather chair across from Dr. Shane, it was like someone else took over her body for a little while and let her say what needed to be said. It had been uncomfortable at first, spilling her secrets to a virtual stranger but over time, Emma had grown to cherish being able to be absolutely honest with no fear of judgement.

"Do you still want to be numb?" Dr. Shane led.

"I don't know," Emma answered honestly, "I think it would be easier." Conversation began to flow more easily and Emma opened up to the doctor, talking through her feelings for the next forty-five minutes with barely a pause. Nearing the end of the session she said, "I just worry that one day he's going to resent me holding out like this; that over time, he'll grow to hate me."

"You weren't listening when Will was in here earlier, were you?" the doctor asked and Emma shook her head no. The doctor pushed back from the desk and went to retrieve Will from the waiting room again. Emma watched him walk in warily; he seemed as uncomfortable as she felt. "Mr. Shuester, I'd like you to tell Emma what you said earlier."

"Em," Will started, waiting until she turned in her chair to face him and raised her eyes to his face, "Emma I'm so sorry about last night. I know it's not an excuse but I didn't realize how vulnerable you were. I'll never forgive myself for that. I need you to know that I am going to love you no matter what and the only thing I ask of you is that you love me back, whatever that means to you. I don't expect anything from you and I don't ever want you to feel like there is anything you _have _to do for me to keep me happy in this relationship. I get you, Emma, and that is all that I want and all that I need."

Will's eyes shone with unshed tears as he waited for a reaction. There was only the slightest hesitation and Emma was in his arms, tears flowing freely again.

* * *

><p>It had been a long, arduous few months for Will and Emma since what they now called "the incident". Will kept watching Emma when he thought she wasn't paying attention, waiting for some sign that she was coming back to him. It was nearly three weeks before her smiles started regularly reaching her eyes again, and he'd only heard the light and carefree laugh she'd always saved just for him twice since the incident. At first, there had been a lot of silence between them. Will was never sure what a safe topic of conversation was, so he kept quiet, waiting for Emma to take the lead.<p>

Emma had been focusing on her anxieties surrounding intimacy in her now twice weekly sessions with Dr. Shane and was beginning to feel like she was making progress. Dr. Shane was encouraging her to take the lead in some of the more mundane aspects of their relationship in hopes that Emma could transfer her newfound assertiveness and confidence to the bedroom when the time came. At first, Emma had tried little things, choosing a new or more risky topic of conversation on one of their lazy Sunday mornings in bed or picking a different restaurant for dinner. In her last session Emma had told Dr. Shane that she believed she was ready to try having sex again. The doctor had been less than pleased, worrying that Emma was pushing herself too far, too fast, but they had spoken at length and it had been impossible to change Emma's mind.

It was a Saturday night, or rather, an early Sunday morning when Will returned home from being the designated driver at a friend's bachelor party. Will crept quietly into the bedroom, glancing at the bedside clock that read 2:08 in bright red LED on his way to the bathroom. He quickly showered and changed for bed before slipping silently back into the bedroom. The moon was full and hanging low over the horizon, Will noticed, glancing out the window on which Emma had forgotten to draw the curtain. Returning his attention to the bed, Will stopped short.

Emma was curled on her side with her back to him, wrapped in one of his dress shirts with the pale light of the moon cutting a swath down her side of the bed. Almost as if she sensed him, Emma rolled onto her back in her sleep, the shirt sliding open to reveal a deep blue satin bra and panties, her red hair spilling like a flame across the white cotton pillowcase. Will felt his mouth go dry at the sight and was considering hopping back into the shower when Emma sleepily opened her eyes and smiled up at him.

"Hey," she whispered her voice still rough with sleep. Will clasped his hands in front of his groin,

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you." Emma shook her head and patted the bed beside her; Will approached cautiously.

"Dr. Shane and I have been talking," Emma began as Will sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. "She thinks it's too early for us to try again." Will felt as though he'd lost the ability of coherent speech and could only nod in acknowledgement as Emma toyed with the hem of the dress shirt; finding his voice he asked,

"And what do you think Em?"

"I think I've learned a lot about myself in the last month," Emma began, "And I think that I can say stop."

Will's hand trembled as he brought it up to cup her cheek, "Promise me."

"I promise Will," Emma breathed, turning her face into his hand and planting a kiss in his palm.

Emma's hands moved to the buttons on the shirt she was wearing, unbuttoning the only two she'd bothered to do up in the first place and pushing the shirt open wider. Will's hands were tentative as he reached out to tenderly stroke the skin of her abdomen. Will felt the muscles quiver under his fingertips and looked up quickly to ensure Emma was still okay. He was greeted with a sight that warmed his heart – Emma's eyes shining with mirth, a genuine smile on her lips.

"That tickles," she told him and Will smiled, flattening his palm on her stomach. Carefully, Emma reached out and pushed her hands beneath Will's t-shirt scraping her nails lightly down his chest. Will rolled onto his back and gently guided Emma with him so that she ended up straddling his waist.

"Your pace Em," Will told her and then he lay still, content to let Emma do a little exploring on her own. Emma shrugged out of Will's shirt and it joined the growing pile on the floor. Emma bit her lip shyly, at a complete loss as to how to proceed. Will smiled up at her encouragingly, there was no way he was showing any dominance tonight. He needed Emma to lead him through this because, as much as he wished he could, he couldn't see what was going on inside her head and he was going to be very careful not to make her think there were rules or expectations for tonight.

Emma reached behind herself slowly and unclasped her bra, she caught it before it could slide down and crossed her arms over her chest. Blushing furiously, Emma gathered the courage to uncross her arms and allow the blue bra to slip away. Will's breath left his body in one long rush, making Emma smile down at him.

"You're gorgeous Emma," Will told her, loving the way the moonlight washed across her pale skin. Carefully, Will slid his hands to her waist, fingers stroking the soft and delicate skin he found there, daring to go no further. Emma took his right hand in hers and, much to Will's surprise, placed it on her breast. Timidly, Will let himself touch her, delighting in the small sounds she made and groaning as Emma wiggled her hips to find a more comfortable position.

Emma grabbed the hem of Will's t-shirt, pleased with how comfortable she was feeling, and peeled it off of him as he sat up. His change of position unbalanced her and with a squeal, she felt herself falling back, her hands too tangled in Will's shirt to catch herself. Instinctively, Will's hands shot out to steady her and lower her gently to the bed. Freeing her hands, Emma threw the shirt to the floor and before she could change her mind, gripped the waistband of Will's pyjama pants in her hands.

"Em…" Will said, a warning tone to his voice. "Don't go too fast."

"I know what I'm doing Will," Emma told him, tugging the tie at the waist free. Somewhat hesitantly, Will lifted his hips and let Emma remove his pyjamas, she seemed so confident and sure in herself. With Will naked beneath her hands, Emma paused, waiting for the crippling panic. Smiling to herself when it didn't come, she stood and slid the last scrap of fabric separating them down her legs.

"How are you feeling Em?" Will asked. Laying back on the bed beside him Emma said,

"Like I want you to show me just how much you love me."

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><p><strong>AN: **Well folks, that's all she wrote. I caved to my romantic side and sweetened this chapter up from the last two. Hope you have enjoyed the ride as much as I and I do so fervently hope the powers that be give our lovely cast a little more depth in the coming episodes.


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